When my son Ben was little, he was a handful! Like most kids with autism, he had tantrums when he was frustrated, didn’t understand what was happening, experiencing sensory overload, or even when Jupiter was in retrograde. . . (sometimes, there is no obvious reason for a meltdown). I eventually learned some meltdowns were caused by his sock being twisted inside of his shoe!
As a behavior therapist, I tried everything I knew to stop his tantrums. I made sure that his socks were seamless and fit him snugly. I acknowledged Ben’s good behavior as much as possible. I gave as little reaction and attention to the tantrums as possible. I used words and pictures before every “tantrum-likely” situation, to help him prepare for what to expect and avoid melt-downs. I used warnings to help him with tough transitions, like leaving a play date (10 minutes 5 minutes, 2 minutes, one minute). All of these methods helped reduce the frequency and severity of Ben’s meltdowns, but did not stop them altogether.
I remember leaving more than one full shopping cart in the grocery store as I carried a screaming, kicking toddler to the car like a sack of potatoes! When Ben was 5 years old, we started using the book “When My Autism Gets Too Big,”by Kari Dunn Buron. Now the book is titled “When My Worries Get Too Big.” This book helped Ben develop an awareness of his feelings and when he was escalating. It also gave him simple relaxation tools.
When Ben started school, Speech and Occupational therapy were great, but he had tantrums through kindergarten. Luckily, tantrums are somewhat age-appropriate at these ages. Ben also had a few doozies during first grade. In second grade, at a public school in California, we were teamed up with a specially trained aide named Erin! She was assigned through an agency called the Center for Autism and Related Disorders, CARD. From the first week of school, Erin went to classes, lunch, and recesses with Ben. She helped him to stop melting down when he got hit “out’ in dodgeball—a huge social leap! She helped him pay attention to the teacher and his work, even when he didn’t feel like it. She taught Ben the difference between kids who were really nice and kids who were really making fun of him. She boosted his social functioning enormously, at a very critical time.
I wanted to know how Erin managed these successes with Ben. She shared with me a special reward system she called “Ben Bucks.” She used colored paper and a blank “money” template with a photo of Ben’s face in the middle and printed a nice supply. Erin would give or take away Ben Bucks as his behavior warranted. My part in the plan was to keep a box stocked with a variety of prizes, worth a wide range of Ben Bucks. The box stayed on top of a cabinet in the Resource Room. Every Friday after school, Ben got to take that week’s Ben Bucks and either “buy” a prize, or save up for something more expensive the next week. (That concept of saving up his fake money was not grasped in second grade, but in third, he made progress)! This creative solution to disruptive classroom behavior took no time away from Ben’s teachers. If anything, he gave them more time as he became less disruptive.
Thanks to Ben Bucks, he learned how to control his behavior and tantrums, and how to express anger, sadness, and frustration appropriately, using his words, and sometimes tears, but not screaming! He learned to delay gratification, play with his peers at recess, focus on his lessons, get along with adults, and how to use his words in almost any situation. I can never thank Erin enough!
Ben’s last meltdown tantrum happened when he was 8 years old. He has not had behavioral issues in school since then. It is so important to get a handle on violent tantrums at an early age. Kids get bigger, parents get older, and I have known quite a few parents who ended up in the hospital or the Emergency Room because of a violent meltdown by an older child. Thanks to Ben, my training, and Erin, I have built up quite the bag of tricks to use when it comes to changing disruptive behavior.